I just got an email from
someone who is going through a bible study workbook. She asked about the
veracity of following statement:
“Every circumstance of life is to be
accepted willingly and joyfully, without murmuring, complaint, or disappointment, much less
resentment. There is no exception”
She raises a very important
question. This is a very strong and all-encompassing. My first thought was “Is
that really true?” It came from a very respected source and I wanted to be very
cautious before I responded. Because if this is in fact true, there’s a
significant amount of sins committed by God’s people that are undetected. If
this is true, I have a lot of soul-searching to do. So, what does the Bible
have to say about disappointment? Is all disappointment sinful?
Defining
terms
Let’s begin by defining
disappointment. Webster’s 1913 edition defines disappointment as, “The act of disappointing, or the state of being disappointed; defeat or failure of expectation or hope; miscarriage of design or plan; frustration.” I
would like to suggest that disappointment is a whole-person, emotional and
intellectual response that occurs when one’s desires are unfulfilled, one’s hopes
are dashed or one’s expectations are not realized. Disappointment therefore is
a universal, human experience. Humans are motivated by desires. In a fallen world,
one will experience daily disappointments; life rarely turns out the way one
plans or hopes. Disappointment is a natural aspect of living in a fallen world.
I would argue that disappointment for a human being in a fallen world is unavoidable.
Of course, one is totally responsible to glorify God in his/her response to the
disappointment(s). This is an especially painful truth for the believer whose
hope is that their loved one will love and follow Christ. However, if God does
not in fact choose them and draw them to himself, disappointment will no-doubt
be immeasurable. However, they can choose to trust and honor God, even though
His sovereign acts cause great disappointment and grief.
Solomon gives us a succinct
description of the effects of disappointment:
Pr.
13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled
is a tree of life.
Pr.
15:13 A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart
the spirit is crushed.
Disappointment should be used
as a diagnostic tool for the heart. When a person experiences the emotion of
disappointment, one should step back and ask, “Was my desire or hope for
something that is good and godly? If not, then disappointment is a call to
repent and turn from sinful desires. It is a time to praise God that He
orchestrated your life in such a way that you were prevented from further sin.
Disappointment
Over Good Things is a Part of Loving God and Seeking His Glory
However, if your disappointment
has come from an unmet, good, God-honoring desire, hope, objectives or outcomes,
your disappointment is a natural outworking of your desire to please God. I
don’t believe that the emotion of disappointment is sinful, it is natural and
even right to experience disappointment. Of course, one must make a conscious
effort to avoid sinning in the disappointment.
God’s people will by nature
love the unbeliever, the rebellious, the wayward. I believe this guarantees
that a believer will often experience disappointment. Many people we love
reject God. Many people we love will pursue their sin to self-destruction. Furthermore,
God doesn’t call people to himself within our time-table. When God’s children
see others choose sinful life-styles, it brings disappointment, perhaps even
sorrow and grief. This is a very grievous experience which is common to many
parents, pastors and family members.
Here are some examples in
Scripture of people who experienced disappointment over failing to obtain good
outcomes or expectations.
Parents rightly grieve or
experience disappointment when their children dishonor God and fail to live
lives that are obedient to God.
Pr.
10:1 A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a
sorrow to his mother.
Pr.
17:21 He who sires a fool gets himself sorrow, and the father of a
fool has no joy.
Samuel loved Saul. Samuel prayed for Saul.
Saul rebelled and Samuel experienced deep disappointment. Samuel grieved over
Saul’s horrific end.
1
Samuel 15:11 - “I regret that I have made Saul
king, for he has turned back from following me and has not performed my
commandments.” And Samuel was angry, and he cried to the LORD all night.
1 Sam. 15:35 And Samuel did not see Saul again until the day of his death,
but Samuel grieved over Saul. And the LORD regretted that he had made
Saul king over Israel.
Of course, there came a point
where God had to confront Samuel because he failed to respond to the
disappointment in a timely fashion, however I believe his initial response of
disappointment, anger and grief was normal, right and to be expected.
1 Sam. 16:1 The Lord said to Samuel, “How long will you grieve
over Saul, since I have rejected him from
being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I
have provided for myself a king among his sons.”
David expressed disappointment
time and time again throughout his life, many of the psalmists cried out to God
and expressed deep lament and disappointment.
Ps.
39:12-13 12“Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; hold not your peace at my
tears! For I am a sojourner with you, a guest, like all my fathers. 13Look
away from me, that I may smile again, before I depart and am no more!”
Ps.
10:1 Why, O Lord, do
you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
Habakkuk expressed his
disappointment and confusion about how God was dealing with violence and
injustice. It was his expression of disappointment that gave us the rich,
powerful book by his name.
Habakkuk 1:2-4 2O LORD,
how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear?’ Or cry to you
“Violence!” and you will not save? 3Why do you make me see iniquity,
and why do you idly look at wrong? Destruction and violence are before me;
strife and contention arise. 4So the law is paralyzed, and justice
never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; so justice goes forth
perverted.
Paul experienced disappointment
throughout his ministry.
2 Cor. 2:3 And I wrote as I did, so that
when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice,
for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all. 4 For
I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears,
not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for
you.
2 Cor. 12:20-22 20 For
I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps
there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder. 21I fear
that when I come again my God may humble me before
you, and I may have to mourn over many of those who sinned earlier and have not
repented of the impurity, sexual
immorality, and sensuality that they have practiced.
1
Thess. 2:17-20 17But since we were torn away
from you, brothers, for a short time, in person not in heart, we endeavored the more eagerly and with great
desire to see you face to face18because
we wanted to come to you—I, Paul, again and again—but Satan hindered us.19For
what is our hope or joy or crown
of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you? 20For you are our glory and
joy.
Jesus expressed what appears
to be frustration perhaps disappointment, in his humanity, in Philip for his
lack of discernment.
John 14:9 Jesus said to
him, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me, Philip?
Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?
Therefore, I would conclude
that disappointment is a natural response to an unmet hope, desire or
expectation. Disappointment is an unavoidable human experience. Disappointment
isn’t necessarily sinful. However, as with righteous anger[1],
God is extremely concerned about how we respond to our disappointments. Disappointments
can quickly morph into sinful responses. One can blame others, fail to take
personal responsibility, blame God, shut down emotionally, attack others, and over-compensate
with manipulation, etc. The list goes on and on.
Responding
to disappointment
God calls us to trust Him,
obey Him, and glorify Him as we express our disappointments to him in prayer
and supplication.
God calls Habakkuk to wait
patiently for what he desired to see take place.
Hab. 2:3 For still the vision awaits
its appointed time; it hastens to
the end—it will not lie. If it seems
slow, wait for it; it will surely
come; it will not delay.
Mary’s
disappointment in Jesus for not being there to save her brother was great,
however her hope remained in the goodness, grace, mercy and power of the
God-man.
John
11:19-22 19and many of the Jews had come
to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. 20So
when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary
remained seated in the house. 21Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you
had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But even now I know
that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.”
Psalm
42 gives us a good theological process and foundation for responding to
disappointment. Here, the Sons of Korah show us how to preach truth to
ourselves as we turn our attention from disappointments, even though they may
be good, to something more sure, more beautiful, and more satisfying; namely to God himself.
Ps. 42:5 5Why are you
cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my
salvation 6and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I
remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Ps. 42:9 I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of
the enemy?” 10As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries
taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” 11Why
are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in
God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
Seeking God and His will in our
disappointments
God commands us to turn to him in our
disappointments and express them to Him with the intention of placing our hope
in Him (Lam 3:20ff), trusting in His character and goodness that He will work
all things for our good and his glory (Rom. 8:28-29). He commands us to train
our minds to not allow our disappointments to turn us away from Him, but rather
think biblically and truthfully about our situation (Ja. 1:2-12; Phil 4:4-19)
and respond in obedience and perseverance in our suffering (Heb. 12:1-14; Rom.
11:36-12:3).
The Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary has this to say about
disappointment,
“In spite of his circumstances, the
psalmist learned to trust in God who, in the end, overcame his disappointment
(Pss. 22:5; 40:1; 42:5b). Isaiah saw a day when all who were feeble and fearful
would become strengthened (Isa. 35:3–4). In the meantime, Jesus commands that
those who are disappointed continue to wait on God, pray, and not lose heart
(Luke 18:1; cp. Matt. 5:4). Every believer is called to recognize that suffering
produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces a hope
in God that does not disappoint (Rom. 5:3–5).[2]
Conclusion
I believe disappointments are inevitable,
but we must first discern if our desires and expectations are God-honoring. If
they are not, the sense of disappointment is a call to repent, reject those
desires (Jonah 2:8) and exchange that desire for a God-honoring one (Ps.
73:25).
If our desires are in fact God-honoring and
yet remain unfulfilled, our experience of disappointment is an invitation to
run to God (Ps. 46) and cling to Him (Ps. 63:8), cry out to Him (Ps. 56; 130;
142), persevere in prayer (1 Thes. 5:17) as we wait for Him (Is. 40:31; Ps. 40)
with hope (1 Tim. 1:1) and joy (Ja. 1:2) as the trials refine and conform us to
the image of Christ (Ja. 1:3-4).
Pastor Kent
Pastor Kent
[1] 26Be angry and
do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and
give no opportunity to the devil. Eph. 4:26-27
[2] Wright, P. H. (2003).
Disappointment. In C. Brand, C. Draper, A. England, S. Bond, E. R. Clendenen, &
T. C. Butler (Eds.), Holman Illustrated
Bible Dictionary (pp. 424–425). Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers.
