Friendship with the Lost

Introduction

Our IMAGE high school group has been discussing the topic of relationships and friendships over the past couple weeks. One of these topics was about having unsaved friends and how to interact with them. I'm very excited for our kids to be thinking about this more as we want to have a youth culture in our church that is reaching out to others with the good news of Christ and inviting them into our group to experience the love of Christ while partaking of our community within the church.

Where do we get the Idea of Relationships?

Relationships were started from the very beginning of time and actually even before that in eternity past. We see in Genesis 1:26 that the triune God has relationship with Himself and from that He creates a man who is meant for relationship in His image (Gen 1:17). That God made man both for relationship with Himself and with other as well (Gen 2:18). Relationship are from God and are "very good" (Gen 1:31). Take a look at Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 if you want more on this.

What is the Purpose for any Relationship?

Christ clarifies this very well in Matthew 22:37-40 giving the first and second great commandments… love. Love is the purpose for your relationship with God and with others. Love God with all you are. Love every human relationship you have as if they were you. It means putting yourself in the other person's place to determine how they would like to be treated and then treating them in that manner. This love is a radical, gospel love that God calls us to on a moment-by-moment basis. It starts in our relationship with Him and is generated out to all others in our life. Its origin is the love we ourselves have been shown in the gospel of Christ's death, burial, and resurrection for us. "We love, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). This kind of love means that every relationship we have should not be for what we get out of it, but rather we bring to it. It means not just loving those who benefit you and make you feel better or help you, but loving those who are unpopular, those who don't or can't benefit you in any way, those who actually take rather than give to you. The gospel love of our Savior who, "while we were yet sinners,… died for us" (Rom 5:8). This kind of love is to be applied to every relationship you have, friends, family, the cashier at the grocery store, business associates, neighbors, other drivers on the road, etc. You are here to love them as you have been loved.

What about Relationships with the Lost?

How does a gospel love in every relationship I have translate into my relationship the Lost? Should I be their friend? At first glance there is cause for concern in this…

James 4:4, "You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God."

1 John 2:15-17, "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever."

1 Cor 15:33, "Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals."

So I shouldn't have unsaved friends then? No, on the contrary our Savior was known as, "a friend of tax collectors and sinners" (Luke 7:34). What these verses indicate is that you should not become like your unsaved friend, not that you should not have them. Philippians 2:14-16 states, "Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain." You should not have your thinking influenced by that of the world, nor should your heart be swayed toward loving the things of the world over God. Rather, you are to be a light in the darkness… to live and love differently than they have ever seen, known, or experienced.

What does a Relationship with my Unsaved Friend look like?

If I'm supposed to have this kind of gospel love in my relationships with my unsaved friends, then what does it look like? 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 gives a lot of help with that…

"Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."

According to Paul, our job is twofold. We are to 1) Pursue Reconciliation and 2) Be Representatives. Reconciliation means we seek to restore the relationship of the unsaved person with God. Paul then uses the term ambassador to add to the idea of reconciliation with that of representing God to this lost world as well as seeking are restoring of relationship.

This picture of a reconciling ambassador is very helpful here. An ambassador's job entails a few very important parts. First, the ambassador is to know his own country and its desires very well so he can represent them to those he is speaking to. Second, the life and actions of the ambassador must match his speech to represent the desires and values of those he represents. Third, the ambassador must live with and seek to best understand and know those he is a representative to.

What does this mean for us in our every day relationships?

Speech

The statement is sometimes made, "Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words" (St. Francis of Assisi). This idea, while probably well intentioned, is simply not true. In Romans 10:14, Paul states, "How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher?" Just living a good Christian life is not enough. You must be actively telling others the gospel that God is holy, they are sinful and as such under His wrath, but God is also merciful and give a wrath-bearer, His Son, Jesus to deal with their sin,  and finally, God offers that gift to them if they will accept Him as their Savior and Lord. Without someone hearing and believing this truth there is no hope for their salvation. No matter how great a life you lead, your friends need to hear the gospel from your lips.

While we are on this topic, however, there is another side of the coin as well. While Jesus like any thing/one else you love should naturally be a part of your conversation with your friend and be someone you pursue talking about, He does not need to be all you talk about. I'll say more on this in a bit.

Life

While leading a life that honors the Lord is not enough to enable someone to get saved, not doing so is certainly enough to detract from it. Jesus states, "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven" (Mat 5:16). Peter follows this in 1 Peter 2:12 saying, "Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation." The life you lead is necessary to validating the message you are called to speak. Your unsaved friend will see hypocrisy and nothing can do more damage to validity of the message you speak then living by a double standard. Holiness of life is key to be the ambassador God calls you to be.

As before, however, it is key to understand how the gospel plays into this as well. God does not demand perfection from you as that is impossible (1 John 1:8). There will be times of shortness or unkind speech, times of selfishness and pride, time of … sin. This issue is not that you don't sin. It is what you do with your sin. Anyone who knows you (or me) knows we sin. The right response is to take it to the Lord and ask His and their forgiveness showing our need of the gospel. Seeking to hide and cover it and acting like it never happened or making excuses is what demonstrates hypocrisy.

Love

Speaking the gospel is necessary. Living a life that validates the gospel is key. However, what earns you the right to share the gospel with someone is love. Those who know they are loved and cared for by you will be willing to listen to you, even if you have to say hard things. What does it mean to love your unsaved friend? It means spending time with them. It means doing activities and things they enjoy. It means having conversations with them and getting to know them and who they really are. It means showing that you value them as a person and for their friendship, not just as your "Christian hobby" to save them. It means you act "normal" around them and be yourself. It means you invite them to join you in doing things you like. It means listening when they share both big and small things with you. … It means doing life and having a relationship with them like you would anybody else. There is really no special action or extra thing you do. You simply love them, living your life with them, seeking to honor Christ in all you do, and speaking about Him as the big focus and part of your life that He is. It's what you should be doing with every relationship you have.

How does this Apply to me?

1) If you don't have anyone you'd call an unsaved friend you either need to be more intentional about the people and places you currently interact in/with or maybe you need to think about picking up a new hobby, place to shop, etc. to be able to start meeting potential friends. Find opportunities; join groups; be creative, but do what you need to in order to make it possible to be the ambassador you are.

2) Take some time to think through whether you are really doing the speaking you need to be doing. Have you been holding back because of fear or worry? Do you just not feel you know exactly what to say? Talk with a fellow believer to help you plan out a gospel presentation you can use and then ask them to hold you accountable. Pray for opportunities to share your faith with your friend. Seek to create opportunities to do so too. A very easy way to start of conversation might be, "hey _______, you know I go to church and feel Jesus is very important to me. What do you think about Jesus?"

3) Is your life reflecting the message you're to be giving? Are their things you need to go to the Lord and ask forgiveness for admitting they are sin? Are their ways you've sinned against or in front of your friend you need to ask his/her forgiveness for and share about how it is so central to your Christian life?

4) Is their someone you need to call on the phone or schedule a meeting or meal with to really get to spend time with them showing them you love and care about them? Are there activities or things you do you should be more intentional in, inviting your unsaved friend to join you and spend time with you?

Conclusion

If you've read through this and think, "I'm doing most of this by God's grace," praise the Lord! Keep going and grab others in the church to encourage them to grow in this way and do it with you. If, on the other hand, you've read thinking, "wow, I'm not really hitting this at all," take heart! The Great Ambassador, Jesus, has brought you to Himself and has made you, "to be strengthened with power through His Spirit" to begin in this journey (Eph 3:16). Start small. Ask the Lord to help you grow in this, bringing people into your life and helping you see and reach out to them. There is very little that brings as much delight as seeing a lost soul brought into the kingdom of light right in front of your eyes through God using you.

The Hope of All Made New

This week in our Wednesday night IMAGE meeting we wrapped up our series on the End Times focusing especially on the New Jerusalem in Revelation 21-22. In this section God shows a return to the Garden of Eden... but better, which gives us great hope for our eternal future. Here I just wanted to highlight a few things that stood out to me from our time.

1) In 21:3 we see that God will dwell with man. His presence will be manifested with us for all time. Even in the perfect garden, Gen 3:8-9 seems to indicate that God's manifest presence came and went from Adam and Eve, not that He was ever not present, but in some way less noticeably so. Our hope in the eternal home we will one day posses is that God's presence will always dwell there never to leave in any way.

2) 21:4 & 22:3 show that not only will the curse due to sin and its painful results be removed forever, but, unlike the Garden of Eden where sin happened, there will never be any chance for sin and its painful consequences to happen again since all sin will be cast out (21:8, 27).

3) In the garden, God and man's relationship was solely that of authoritative Creator and subservient creation. While this relationship does not stop we do see it joyously expanded when all is made new. In 21:9-11 we see the whole people of God who make up the New Jerusalem called, "the bride, the wife of the Lamb." What joy this gives that God will forever be, not only our Creator, but our Lover tenderly looking out for us in every way and pursuing our highest joy for all time.

4) While in some way the hurts of the past will be lessened, removed, or forgotten in light of Christ's overwhelming presence and glory (21:4), God certainly does not intend for the history of His work and plan of redemption to be forgotten. The New Jerusalem has features such as the "tree of life" (22:2) to remind us of the Garden where the whole story began for us. The 12 gates of the city have the names of the 12 tribes of Israel written on them (21:12) reminding us of God's drawing Abraham to Himself and making from him a great nation just as He promised and suffering with them and their rebellious hearts over 100's of years. The 12 foundation stones of the city have the names of the 12 apostles on them (21:14) reminding us of the Savior's coming and calling of 12 men and then empowering them with the Holy Spirit to go into all the world preaching His good news that lead to even us alive today eventually standing their looking on those stones saved and forgiven. Along with all this, throughout much of the book of Revelation, Christ is refereed to as the "Lamb" building upon His introduction in 5:6 as the "Lamb standing, as if slain," which points us back to John the Baptist's proclamation, "Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!" (John 1:29) & even further back to the sacrifices of the Old Testament that were pictures of Him and His saving work (Heb 9:11-14, 10:10-12). God intentionally plans and intends that for all eternity we will be made keenly aware of His redemptive work on our behalf and the story throughout history and how He accomplished it. Eden was the start of the story. The New Jerusalem is its very satisfying ending.

5) We will get to experience the fully glory of God standing in His presence in a way never experienced before. In 21:3 we see God will dwell among us. Building on this, 21:22-23 & 22:3-5 further show that we will dwell in the full and complete presence of the Shekinah glory of God (2 Chron 7:1-3) forever able to see His face in a way that not even Moses or the High Priests got to experience. This makes 21:16 very interesting as it describes the city as a cube of equal dimensions for length, width, and height. The other place we see a cube structure prescribed by God in Scripture is 1 Kings 6:20 defining the perfect shape for the Holy of Hollies where God's presence would dwell. We will get to experience a whole new and fuller extent of life in Christ. It is the full completion of Hebrews 10:19-22, "Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." The New Jerusalem far exceeds Eden in every way.


What great hope and excitement we have for the future! This is not just some story. So much of the Bible is written about things behind us that have already happened and past, but this!... this is our future history still to come! We WILL get to experience this and it WILL be amazing!

Understanding all this calls us to stand in awe of our awesome God! We should be amazed and worship as we see His sovereign plan from before time began (13:8) unfold. We should be in wonder at Him saving us, who are such small parts of the great tapestry of history that He is weaving. We should seek to walk with Him and know Him more and more. This is the purpose we were made for, this is why we are currently here, and this is what we will get to do joyously forever in His presence for all eternity!

Phil Smith 
Youth Minister at BCC

The Art of Discernment

http://womenandbusiness.co.za/services-5/

When I was attending Christ Seminary in South Africa, I had a professor who used to state, "everything preaches." What he meant was, that whatever you're interacting with in life is pushing you toward thinking a certain way. It is informing you of its creator's worldview and asking you to align with it. Today that "everything" is a continually growing category. It entails movies, tv, music, books, video games, teachers, textbooks, billboards, advertisements, magazines, facebook, instagram, and many others forms of media including this very blog post. =)

Typically, as Christians we have two possible responses to this. On the one hand we may recognize this about the movies, music, and many other such things we or our kids listen to and decide it isn't worth the risk and we will simply not partake of those sort of things. On the other hand, we may instead belittle the effects the messages have on us and our thinking and instead take it all in as we like without giving it a second thought.

I would suggest that neither option is fully healthy or biblical. Certainly there are some things not worth giving an ounce of our thought to that are almost purely tainted by sin and would do far more damage to our souls than any benefit they may offer. However, if we are not careful, this thinking can be taken to an extreme where we actually seek to ostracize ourselves from the world and sequester ourselves into a "holy huddle" of only Christians and Christian things. This can be an even greater danger in parenting since kids who grow up in this environment eventually will move out and enter a world filled with media. If they have never learned how to interact with it in a healthy way they will tend to either become self-righteous in not pursuing it, or they will run full bore into it unheading to the danger it presents their souls.

The other option of taking it all in and ignoring the messages being presented is just as bad. Psalm 1 and 1 Cor 15:33 show that what and who we spend time around will affect us negatively if they encourage us in anti-God thinking. Partaking of media freely and without pause, pondering, or thought can very subtly yet quickly lead to a deadening and coldness of our soul to the Lord. We will naturally tend toward sinful thinking of ourselves without the help and encouragement of others toward it, outside of the Holy Spirit's arresting and enabling work (Rom 12:2). Carelessly adding voices into our lives that speak anti-God lies and self-gratifying thoughts into our already battling souls is a recipe for disaster.

Well than what I'm I supposed to do with all this media I and my family are bombarded with daily? I would suggest that discernment is the answer. Phil 1:9-10 states, "And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ." Paul adds in 1 Thes 5:21-22, "but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil." As Christians we are to run everything we take in through the lens of Scripture and determine whether what is being said is right or wrong. While that sounds easy, it is not and takes great focus and work. The author of Hebrews actually says it takes practice, "But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil" (Heb 5:14). It is not something we simply turn on or off. It is a lifestyle we must work to cultivate as we take in all the media from the world around us and as a parent is especially important to cultivate and train your child in before they have to practice out on their own.

The next thought that probably comes to your mind is, "this is completely overwhelming and too hard." In response I would submit two verses to you. First, ^"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him" (Jam 1:5). God can give you the discernment you feel you lack if you will ask Him for it. Second, "For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being" (Eph 3:14-16). God enables and empowers you by the Holy Spirit to that which He expects of you. You ARE completely incapable of this in yourself, BUT your God is not. Discernment is both possible and necessary for your Christian life.

All that to say, I recently was asked by a youth student about a topic relating to one of their blogs which lead me to later read it. I was very impressed with her desire to practice discernment as she takes in media. I think her actions set a neat example for us to think through and follow as we too are "preached" at by the many avenues of media today. Here is a copy of her most recent blog post she gave me permission to post here and I wanted to share with you...

Phil Smith

Youth Minister

Sherlock: Why does life have value?

**Warning: Spoilers for the season finale of "Sherlock" are contained in the following post!**

A week ago today Sherlock season 4, and possibly the entire show, came to a riveting close. It was quite the season, filled with mind-bending twists and turns, intriguing character development, and despicable (and I mean it in the true sense of the word) villains. The final episode of the season, appropriately titled "The Final Problem," was an intense, uncomfortably dark story that tested the series' heroes more than any episode so far. In it, we are acquainted with Euros Holmes, Sherlock's brilliant, insane, desperately evil sister. She has been, as we come to find out, the real mind behind the evils that have plagued Sherlock Holmes, even going back to his early childhood. She has had her hand on almost every heartbreak, every terrible, tortuous event that happens to Sherlock during the course of the series, and in this episode we get to see her work  up close.

Euros manages to lure Sherlock, his best friend John, and brilliant older brother Mycroft to the prison in which she has been held (or, as we learn, has come to control) for the majority of her life. Once trapped, she puts them through a series of tests, sadistic games, for reasons not completely clear. Insanity? Yes. Hatred? Probably. Revenge? Maybe. But its also pretty clear that she just enjoys it. She has finally met people who have a chance of standing up to her intellectually, but they are limited by morality, by love for each other, and by a regard for human life. And her goal is to exploit those so-called "weaknesses," and to test the power it gives her over them.

​This episode of Sherlock explored, perhaps more than any other episode up until this point, the fundamental differences between the "good guys" and the "bad guys." Never before in this show have we seen so evidently two radically different types of characters and what it looks like when they clash. Their fundamental differences lie, I believe, in one key area: their value of human life.

To Euros, human life is of no value. She sees men as tools, playthings even, to be used until they're worn out. She is, in her own mind, a god--and probably not just a god, but the god. Her intellectual capabilities give her the means to use, abuse, and control; and in her own godless universe, why should that change?

Sherlock and his companions, on the other hand, see human life in a completely different light. When faced with the gut-wrenching choice to shoot one man to save the life of another, neither John nor Mycroft can do it. And when Sherlock must choose which of his companions to murder to get to the next segment of Euros' "game," he threatens, to his sister's shock and dismay, to end his own life instead.

So why does Sherlock, who, in this version of the classic stories, is a self-proclaimed atheist, put such immense value on the life of another human being? Because, from an evolutionary standpoint, shouldn't the life of a human have just as much value as that of a dog, horse, or monkey? What kept John from pulling the trigger, even when he had a man literally begging John to shoot him to save the life of his captive wife? I believe the answer is this: as humans created in the image of God, we are created with a subconscious understanding that human life has value. And, I would argue, the reason it has value is that God gives it value.

One of the earliest decrees given by God in Scripture can be found in Genesis 9:1-7.  In it, the Creator gives humankind dominion over all other creation. He sets them apart, per say. He goes on to declare: "Whoever sheds human blood, by humans shall their blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made mankind."

From the beginning, God has chosen to give men value. And, as creatures all created by God, we have engrained in our consciences an understanding, an instinct, that we don't have the right or authority to take something of such incredible value as human life.

So while Sherlock might claim to not believe in a higher power, his actions indicate that he subconsciously answers to one. He recognizes that mankind has a special place in creation, and I doubt that he could provide a solid explanation on why that is. But I believe, as Christians, that we can. Our worth as humans can only be found in one thing, and that's through a loving Creator who has chosen to give us immense value for the glory of His name.

Rebekah's post and others like it can be found at her blog (http://watchingwithapurpose.weebly.com/home/sherlock-why-does-life-have-value).

Thoughts on Modesty & Purity

As someone who works with youth the issues of modesty and purity seem to come up rather often in conversations. How does one pursue modesty and purity in a self-centered and sexually driven culture? What are they even? How are we as a church to help others pursue these things? There are so many questions in these areas and our culture certainly does not help answer them in any way that honors the Lord or upholds His Word and desires. Thus, it seems good to at least delve into these topics a bit and, if nothing else, hopefully start us thinking and conversing on these topics a little more.I believe it necessary first to define a few terms and to do so Biblically...

• modesty - choosing to act in such a way as to not draw away attention from Christ or others to oneself. 1 Tim 2:9-10 is not talking about the women wearing too little clothing and needing to put more on in any way, nor is the dress described necessarily seductive in any way in that cultural time. Paul's issue has very little if nothing to do solely with sex and is rather focused on attention seeking. By making modesty simply a "sex" or "amount of clothes/skin covered" issue we miss the entire point. Modesty is about drawing attention to oneself rather than being selfless and humble. That goes far deeper because it applies not just to outward dress, but to the heart. Thus, while this is an issue typically linked with women, it is for men too. Both are susceptible to desiring attention from others. In the context Paul then goes on to note what godly women should be noticed for, i.e. godly actions and service done in humility. Notice the key end he puts is "humility." Even serving in the church can be done immodestly seeking after the attention of others rather than to serve Christ. That does not mean it should not be done either, but rather than the deeper issue is of the heart in all our actions. 1 Pet 3:1-4 proves this and shows how dress is not the issue at all in comparison, but rather the heart attitude of humble servant-hood is what is key.

• purity - a heart attitude that desires to run from sin's tainting in all areas of one's life and thus live in an ever more Christ-like manner. This is not simply changing outward actions or only dealing with sexuality. Rather, it is a much bigger and broader issue. Jesus in Mat 5:8 shows the extent of this where harboring sin keeps us from seeing and interacting with God and in converse running from it allows us to draw close to Him (Prov 28:13). This is a far bigger issue than just not "having sex or lusting" it affects my very heart's desires of why I do everything I do. Am I in every action seeking after Christ's glory and ownership of my life or my own desires?

While we could do more terms, these should be a good foundation. What then do modesty and purity look like for a (young) lady? For a lady to be modest is in many ways a subjective issue, especially when looking at her outwardly. It could involve her clothes whether wearing a shirt or skirt that is  too short or too long, what she does with her hair making it ultra flashy or intentionally overly plain, what sort of makeup or decorative jewelry she wears or doesn't. Other forms of outward modesty involve a woman's actions. It means she won't act certain ways that draw attention to herself. These actions cover the spectrum of extremes. They could be  such things as flirting to gain a guy's attention, or on the other side, belching loudly to gain other forms of social attention. They could be constantly fidgeting and poking people so they "feel" your presence, or the opposite of drawing away and refusing to engage others rather than pursuing people,... Any of these actions and dress styles or lack of them has the possibility to be immodest since all can be used as a way to draw people's attention to herself.

Here is the issue, ultimately, more than the outward things, the real question of a lady's modesty is why she dresses or acts like she does. In Luke 6:45 Jesus states, "…out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Outward statements and actions are really only results of the inward thinking and desires in a person's inner self. Thus, a lady can be modest when her focus and goal is on God being glorified in her life and others around her are being cared for and served. Her purity then, will be shown in how she deals with all of her sin, daily taking it before the Lord and leaving it at the cross. Her desire for purity and to be rid of sin will inform her desire for modesty as well, for just as she wants sin rid in her life she will want God all the more pronounced.What then do modesty and purity look like for a (young) man? Once again, modesty will involve a man not seeking after the attention of others, which for guys is more typically done by physical, mental, or artistic prowess, rather than wanting God magnified in all he does and serving other in the church. For a young man to be pure, there is an aspect of fighting sexual sin both in his outward actions and heart, but also so much more. His pursuit of purity extends far beyond his sexuality to every aspect of his life. The question for him as well is why he does everything he does. Is he pursuing God's kingdom or his own? For a young man to be pure he will be actively seeking to be rid of sin in all areas of his life. For him to be modest he will seek to have God made much of in his every thought and action.Whose job is it to pursue and encourage purity?Because of our definitions, we realize it is everyone's job to pursue purity. Every believer is called to personally pursue purity in their individual life and every believer is called to help his or her brother or sister in Christ pursue purity in their life. I must do whatever it takes to be rid of sin and find greater joy in Christ! If I love my siblings in Christ, I will do whatever I can in my power to help them do the same. This may look like me dressing differently, even if my heart before God was fine with something else I would normally wear. It may mean being an accountability partner. It may mean being extra careful how I interact with members of the opposite sex, not paranoid, but being careful to not encourage wrong thoughts and heart attitudes like gossip, grumbling, lust, etc. Whatever it may mean, it always means interacting with others in a way that seeks to love and show them love to the best of my ability (Mark 12:31). Is that hard and does it take effort? Yes, but by my Savior's strength I can do what seems impossible. On top of that I can do these actions joyfully rather than in a paranoid "did I cause them to sin" fashion or the opposite side of the coin, grumbling outwardly or in my heart about having to care for the "weaker brother."Are sexuality and person-hood to be separated? Would we get along better as Christians in the church if there were no such thing as sexes?Sexuality is part of who a person is and how God made them. To seek to separate the two is not only foolish and unbiblical, but impossible. Men and women, while completely equal in value before God, where made differently to function, act, and think differently. This is not a bad or sinful thing, nor is it something to be either hidden or flaunted. Rather, it is to be both recognized and enjoyed within the realm of love for one another. What can happen often in all relationships (not just opposite sex ones) is we view people as objects and stepping stones for us to use and abuse to get what we want. Rather than loving and serving others, we see them as a means to benefit ourselves. This can apply to the way both sexes view and treat the other in relation to sexuality, but goes way beyond that as well.Because this can be such a big deal in opposite sex relationships, it has been thought by some to cut it out our sexuality completely and  just ignore these different parts that make each of us who we are. This is a poor response, however. Our sexuality (not just physically, but our very nature and make up) should be neither something we use to control others, nor something to be shunned and hidden. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Gen 1:27). As Christians seeking to love and serve one another the strengths each sex brings to the table of the church is wonderful and can be enjoyed wholly and purely and are necessary for Christ's church to function well. A desire for purity and service among all will lead to right actions and valuing of one another in both their person-hood and the sexuality that is part of it.Should I be thinking about myself so much anyway? Do I need acceptance?One other note on modesty... The thought can occur that rather than being noticed for my body, whit, or accomplishments, my goal is to be noticed for good deeds. While this can seem better on the surface, it really is not, nor is it "modest." The goal still comes from a heart that desires to be made much of and exalted above God. It is just simply wrapped in a more "righteous" shell. A godly person does not need the acceptance, notice, or approval of men to survive or function well in the church. They stands or falls before the Lord alone (Rom 14:4). They are made to function alongside people but not in need of them. The only need each one of us has is Christ alone. When we are filled with Him, we will be able to be givers of life to people, rather than those who need affirmation and take from others. We are not here on this earth to be benefited and accepted by others. We are here to glorify God and unconditionally love others no matter their response to or treatment of us.Praise the Lord we can, by His power, live whole, modest, and pure and by doing so, bless those around us and "see God" (Mat 5:8).

Phil Smith