As someone who works with youth the issues of modesty and purity seem to come up rather often in conversations. How does one pursue modesty and purity in a self-centered and sexually driven culture? What are they even? How are we as a church to help others pursue these things? There are so many questions in these areas and our culture certainly does not help answer them in any way that honors the Lord or upholds His Word and desires. Thus, it seems good to at least delve into these topics a bit and, if nothing else, hopefully start us thinking and conversing on these topics a little more.I believe it necessary first to define a few terms and to do so Biblically...
- modesty - choosing to act in such a way as to not draw away attention from Christ or others to oneself. 1 Tim 2:9-10 is not talking about the women wearing too little clothing and needing to put more on in any way, nor is the dress described necessarily seductive in any way in that cultural time. Paul's issue has very little if nothing to do solely with sex and is rather focused on attention seeking. By making modesty simply a "sex" or "amount of clothes/skin covered" issue we miss the entire point. Modesty is about drawing attention to oneself rather than being selfless and humble. That goes far deeper because it applies not just to outward dress, but to the heart. Thus, while this is an issue typically linked with women, it is for men too. Both are susceptible to desiring attention from others. In the context Paul then goes on to note what godly women should be noticed for, i.e. godly actions and service done in humility. Notice the key end he puts is "humility." Even serving in the church can be done immodestly seeking after the attention of others rather than to serve Christ. That does not mean it should not be done either, but rather than the deeper issue is of the heart in all our actions. 1 Pet 3:1-4 proves this and shows how dress is not the issue at all in comparison, but rather the heart attitude of humble servant-hood is what is key.
- purity - a heart attitude that desires to run from sin's tainting in all areas of one's life and thus live in an ever more Christ-like manner. This is not simply changing outward actions or only dealing with sexuality. Rather, it is a much bigger and broader issue. Jesus in Mat 5:8 shows the extent of this where harboring sin keeps us from seeing and interacting with God and in converse running from it allows us to draw close to Him (Prov 28:13). This is a far bigger issue than just not "having sex or lusting" it affects my very heart's desires of why I do everything I do. Am I in every action seeking after Christ's glory and ownership of my life or my own desires?
While we could do more terms, these should be a good foundation. What then do modesty and purity look like for a (young) lady? For a lady to be modest is in many ways a subjective issue, especially when looking at her outwardly. It could involve her clothes whether wearing a shirt or skirt that is too short or too long, what she does with her hair making it ultra flashy or intentionally overly plain, what sort of makeup or decorative jewelry she wears or doesn't. Other forms of outward modesty involve a woman's actions. It means she won't act certain ways that draw attention to herself. These actions cover the spectrum of extremes. They could be such things as flirting to gain a guy's attention, or on the other side, belching loudly to gain other forms of social attention. They could be constantly fidgeting and poking people so they "feel" your presence, or the opposite of drawing away and refusing to engage others rather than pursuing people,... Any of these actions and dress styles or lack of them has the possibility to be immodest since all can be used as a way to draw people's attention to herself.
Here is the issue, ultimately, more than the outward things, the real question of a lady's modesty is why she dresses or acts like she does. In Luke 6:45 Jesus states, "…out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Outward statements and actions are really only results of the inward thinking and desires in a person's inner self. Thus, a lady can be modest when her focus and goal is on God being glorified in her life and others around her are being cared for and served. Her purity then, will be shown in how she deals with all of her sin, daily taking it before the Lord and leaving it at the cross. Her desire for purity and to be rid of sin will inform her desire for modesty as well, for just as she wants sin rid in her life she will want God all the more pronounced.What then do modesty and purity look like for a (young) man? Once again, modesty will involve a man not seeking after the attention of others, which for guys is more typically done by physical, mental, or artistic prowess, rather than wanting God magnified in all he does and serving other in the church. For a young man to be pure, there is an aspect of fighting sexual sin both in his outward actions and heart, but also so much more. His pursuit of purity extends far beyond his sexuality to every aspect of his life. The question for him as well is why he does everything he does. Is he pursuing God's kingdom or his own? For a young man to be pure he will be actively seeking to be rid of sin in all areas of his life. For him to be modest he will seek to have God made much of in his every thought and action.Whose job is it to pursue and encourage purity?Because of our definitions, we realize it is everyone's job to pursue purity. Every believer is called to personally pursue purity in their individual life and every believer is called to help his or her brother or sister in Christ pursue purity in their life. I must do whatever it takes to be rid of sin and find greater joy in Christ! If I love my siblings in Christ, I will do whatever I can in my power to help them do the same. This may look like me dressing differently, even if my heart before God was fine with something else I would normally wear. It may mean being an accountability partner. It may mean being extra careful how I interact with members of the opposite sex, not paranoid, but being careful to not encourage wrong thoughts and heart attitudes like gossip, grumbling, lust, etc. Whatever it may mean, it always means interacting with others in a way that seeks to love and show them love to the best of my ability (Mark 12:31). Is that hard and does it take effort? Yes, but by my Savior's strength I can do what seems impossible. On top of that I can do these actions joyfully rather than in a paranoid "did I cause them to sin" fashion or the opposite side of the coin, grumbling outwardly or in my heart about having to care for the "weaker brother."Are sexuality and person-hood to be separated? Would we get along better as Christians in the church if there were no such thing as sexes?Sexuality is part of who a person is and how God made them. To seek to separate the two is not only foolish and unbiblical, but impossible. Men and women, while completely equal in value before God, where made differently to function, act, and think differently. This is not a bad or sinful thing, nor is it something to be either hidden or flaunted. Rather, it is to be both recognized and enjoyed within the realm of love for one another. What can happen often in all relationships (not just opposite sex ones) is we view people as objects and stepping stones for us to use and abuse to get what we want. Rather than loving and serving others, we see them as a means to benefit ourselves. This can apply to the way both sexes view and treat the other in relation to sexuality, but goes way beyond that as well.Because this can be such a big deal in opposite sex relationships, it has been thought by some to cut it out our sexuality completely and just ignore these different parts that make each of us who we are. This is a poor response, however. Our sexuality (not just physically, but our very nature and make up) should be neither something we use to control others, nor something to be shunned and hidden. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Gen 1:27). As Christians seeking to love and serve one another the strengths each sex brings to the table of the church is wonderful and can be enjoyed wholly and purely and are necessary for Christ's church to function well. A desire for purity and service among all will lead to right actions and valuing of one another in both their person-hood and the sexuality that is part of it.Should I be thinking about myself so much anyway? Do I need acceptance?One other note on modesty... The thought can occur that rather than being noticed for my body, whit, or accomplishments, my goal is to be noticed for good deeds. While this can seem better on the surface, it really is not, nor is it "modest." The goal still comes from a heart that desires to be made much of and exalted above God. It is just simply wrapped in a more "righteous" shell. A godly person does not need the acceptance, notice, or approval of men to survive or function well in the church. They stands or falls before the Lord alone (Rom 14:4). They are made to function alongside people but not in need of them. The only need each one of us has is Christ alone. When we are filled with Him, we will be able to be givers of life to people, rather than those who need affirmation and take from others. We are not here on this earth to be benefited and accepted by others. We are here to glorify God and unconditionally love others no matter their response to or treatment of us.Praise the Lord we can, by His power, live whole, modest, and pure and by doing so, bless those around us and "see God" (Mat 5:8).
Phil Smith
