Friendship with the Lost

Introduction

Our IMAGE high school group has been discussing the topic of relationships and friendships over the past couple weeks. One of these topics was about having unsaved friends and how to interact with them. I'm very excited for our kids to be thinking about this more as we want to have a youth culture in our church that is reaching out to others with the good news of Christ and inviting them into our group to experience the love of Christ while partaking of our community within the church.

Where do we get the Idea of Relationships?

Relationships were started from the very beginning of time and actually even before that in eternity past. We see in Genesis 1:26 that the triune God has relationship with Himself and from that He creates a man who is meant for relationship in His image (Gen 1:17). That God made man both for relationship with Himself and with other as well (Gen 2:18). Relationship are from God and are "very good" (Gen 1:31). Take a look at Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 if you want more on this.

What is the Purpose for any Relationship?

Christ clarifies this very well in Matthew 22:37-40 giving the first and second great commandments… love. Love is the purpose for your relationship with God and with others. Love God with all you are. Love every human relationship you have as if they were you. It means putting yourself in the other person's place to determine how they would like to be treated and then treating them in that manner. This love is a radical, gospel love that God calls us to on a moment-by-moment basis. It starts in our relationship with Him and is generated out to all others in our life. Its origin is the love we ourselves have been shown in the gospel of Christ's death, burial, and resurrection for us. "We love, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). This kind of love means that every relationship we have should not be for what we get out of it, but rather we bring to it. It means not just loving those who benefit you and make you feel better or help you, but loving those who are unpopular, those who don't or can't benefit you in any way, those who actually take rather than give to you. The gospel love of our Savior who, "while we were yet sinners,… died for us" (Rom 5:8). This kind of love is to be applied to every relationship you have, friends, family, the cashier at the grocery store, business associates, neighbors, other drivers on the road, etc. You are here to love them as you have been loved.

What about Relationships with the Lost?

How does a gospel love in every relationship I have translate into my relationship the Lost? Should I be their friend? At first glance there is cause for concern in this…

James 4:4, "You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God."

1 John 2:15-17, "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever."

1 Cor 15:33, "Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals."

So I shouldn't have unsaved friends then? No, on the contrary our Savior was known as, "a friend of tax collectors and sinners" (Luke 7:34). What these verses indicate is that you should not become like your unsaved friend, not that you should not have them. Philippians 2:14-16 states, "Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain." You should not have your thinking influenced by that of the world, nor should your heart be swayed toward loving the things of the world over God. Rather, you are to be a light in the darkness… to live and love differently than they have ever seen, known, or experienced.

What does a Relationship with my Unsaved Friend look like?

If I'm supposed to have this kind of gospel love in my relationships with my unsaved friends, then what does it look like? 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 gives a lot of help with that…

"Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."

According to Paul, our job is twofold. We are to 1) Pursue Reconciliation and 2) Be Representatives. Reconciliation means we seek to restore the relationship of the unsaved person with God. Paul then uses the term ambassador to add to the idea of reconciliation with that of representing God to this lost world as well as seeking are restoring of relationship.

This picture of a reconciling ambassador is very helpful here. An ambassador's job entails a few very important parts. First, the ambassador is to know his own country and its desires very well so he can represent them to those he is speaking to. Second, the life and actions of the ambassador must match his speech to represent the desires and values of those he represents. Third, the ambassador must live with and seek to best understand and know those he is a representative to.

What does this mean for us in our every day relationships?

Speech

The statement is sometimes made, "Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words" (St. Francis of Assisi). This idea, while probably well intentioned, is simply not true. In Romans 10:14, Paul states, "How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher?" Just living a good Christian life is not enough. You must be actively telling others the gospel that God is holy, they are sinful and as such under His wrath, but God is also merciful and give a wrath-bearer, His Son, Jesus to deal with their sin,  and finally, God offers that gift to them if they will accept Him as their Savior and Lord. Without someone hearing and believing this truth there is no hope for their salvation. No matter how great a life you lead, your friends need to hear the gospel from your lips.

While we are on this topic, however, there is another side of the coin as well. While Jesus like any thing/one else you love should naturally be a part of your conversation with your friend and be someone you pursue talking about, He does not need to be all you talk about. I'll say more on this in a bit.

Life

While leading a life that honors the Lord is not enough to enable someone to get saved, not doing so is certainly enough to detract from it. Jesus states, "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven" (Mat 5:16). Peter follows this in 1 Peter 2:12 saying, "Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation." The life you lead is necessary to validating the message you are called to speak. Your unsaved friend will see hypocrisy and nothing can do more damage to validity of the message you speak then living by a double standard. Holiness of life is key to be the ambassador God calls you to be.

As before, however, it is key to understand how the gospel plays into this as well. God does not demand perfection from you as that is impossible (1 John 1:8). There will be times of shortness or unkind speech, times of selfishness and pride, time of … sin. This issue is not that you don't sin. It is what you do with your sin. Anyone who knows you (or me) knows we sin. The right response is to take it to the Lord and ask His and their forgiveness showing our need of the gospel. Seeking to hide and cover it and acting like it never happened or making excuses is what demonstrates hypocrisy.

Love

Speaking the gospel is necessary. Living a life that validates the gospel is key. However, what earns you the right to share the gospel with someone is love. Those who know they are loved and cared for by you will be willing to listen to you, even if you have to say hard things. What does it mean to love your unsaved friend? It means spending time with them. It means doing activities and things they enjoy. It means having conversations with them and getting to know them and who they really are. It means showing that you value them as a person and for their friendship, not just as your "Christian hobby" to save them. It means you act "normal" around them and be yourself. It means you invite them to join you in doing things you like. It means listening when they share both big and small things with you. … It means doing life and having a relationship with them like you would anybody else. There is really no special action or extra thing you do. You simply love them, living your life with them, seeking to honor Christ in all you do, and speaking about Him as the big focus and part of your life that He is. It's what you should be doing with every relationship you have.

How does this Apply to me?

1) If you don't have anyone you'd call an unsaved friend you either need to be more intentional about the people and places you currently interact in/with or maybe you need to think about picking up a new hobby, place to shop, etc. to be able to start meeting potential friends. Find opportunities; join groups; be creative, but do what you need to in order to make it possible to be the ambassador you are.

2) Take some time to think through whether you are really doing the speaking you need to be doing. Have you been holding back because of fear or worry? Do you just not feel you know exactly what to say? Talk with a fellow believer to help you plan out a gospel presentation you can use and then ask them to hold you accountable. Pray for opportunities to share your faith with your friend. Seek to create opportunities to do so too. A very easy way to start of conversation might be, "hey _______, you know I go to church and feel Jesus is very important to me. What do you think about Jesus?"

3) Is your life reflecting the message you're to be giving? Are their things you need to go to the Lord and ask forgiveness for admitting they are sin? Are their ways you've sinned against or in front of your friend you need to ask his/her forgiveness for and share about how it is so central to your Christian life?

4) Is their someone you need to call on the phone or schedule a meeting or meal with to really get to spend time with them showing them you love and care about them? Are there activities or things you do you should be more intentional in, inviting your unsaved friend to join you and spend time with you?

Conclusion

If you've read through this and think, "I'm doing most of this by God's grace," praise the Lord! Keep going and grab others in the church to encourage them to grow in this way and do it with you. If, on the other hand, you've read thinking, "wow, I'm not really hitting this at all," take heart! The Great Ambassador, Jesus, has brought you to Himself and has made you, "to be strengthened with power through His Spirit" to begin in this journey (Eph 3:16). Start small. Ask the Lord to help you grow in this, bringing people into your life and helping you see and reach out to them. There is very little that brings as much delight as seeing a lost soul brought into the kingdom of light right in front of your eyes through God using you.

Greetings from Lafayette, Indiana!

Just a quick note as Casey and I are at a church in Lafayette for a training conference on biblical counseling. We are enjoying the learning and the fellowship with other BCCers while we are here. Let me tell you...if you want to laugh a lot, sit with Mark Herrmann, Gary Baranowski, and Bill Winkler for a meal. These men love the Lord and know how to have a good time.

Casey and I are in a track at the conference where you work on certification through the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC). We've appreciated being shepherded well through the process. The leadership at the conference has helped us to see that the process is doable by God's grace. We've accomplished a lot on the certification path while here and will have more to go after we leave. 

Being here reminds us of our love for Bethany Community Church and the focus on the glory of God by proclaiming and preparing. We are so thankful for a church that desires to honor God through the careful study of the Bible and its commands to care for others. The sufficiency of the Bible is so critical for counseling and discipling others through teaching and personal discipleship. We were given this definition of the sufficiency of Scripture yesterday...“Scripture is sufficient to frame the entirety of both human experience and the context in which that experience occurs according to God’s essential purpose for people to reflect His personhood by means of the gospel of Jesus Christ.” (Jeremy Pierre, Scripture is Sufficient for What? In Scripture and Counseling, p. 105).

How encouraging that the Bible equips us for every good work (2 Tim 3:16-17) in every context--with the starting point of the gospel! 

Pastor Ben

How to Reach Your Neighbors, 4 of 6

How can a Christian use Halloween to build relationships in their neighborhood that lead to sharing the gospel? Here are some ideas...

First thing first. Here is what John Piper, former pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minnesota, said when asked about his perspective on Halloween:

"It's kind of one of those questions of, 'Do you see Christ against culture, Christ in culture, or Christ over culture?’ I would guess that at our church there would be people from one end of the perspective to the other. That is, some who would say, 'We don't want anything to do with that demonic holiday! Why would you even be involved with that at all?' And others who would have their children dress up as a butterfly and go knocking on doors and say, "Trick or treat!" And then in the middle would be people who do counter events, like a thing at the church where you dress up like biblical characters and have a great time.

I would hope that all Christians would think biblically and carefully about any holiday, any event, and how they might be salt and light in it. And if they feel like this can be of value to the kids in some way, to teach them—if it can be an innocent way of enjoying God's grace and teaching lessons—so be it. I'm willing to run the risk of connection to worldliness in order to be biblically faithful in witness. The same thing with Christmas and birthdays and Easter and worshipping on Sunday. All of these things have pagan connections.

I want to be loose and broad and give freedom to believers to find their way to be most effective. So I respect those who are renouncing it as too connected with evil, and I respect those who say, 'No, let's redeem it and penetrate it and use it.’"

The Davidson household has chosen to engage in Halloween in our neighborhood. We are okay if you disagree. We won’t judge you for not engaging in Halloween. I think Piper serves us well to say that there is liberty here for believers.

Below, I’ll share what we have done to try to develop personal relationships during Halloween night. It is a difficult tension between:

1. Kids wanting to go fast and hit as many houses as possible.

2. Casey and I wanting to introduce ourselves to parents and kids and make a connection.

To help with this tension, we have done a few things to help slow down the evening. 

1. We have put out hot water and hot chocolate packets. We sit out in the garage with the door open to hand out candy and invite people in to get some hot chocolate. 

2. We hang a white sheet in the back of the garage and project a movie on it like “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.” 

Both of these options allow for the child to be put at ease watching the movie or making hot chocolate while you try to make a connection with a neighbor. Introduce yourself. Ask if they live in the neighborhood and where? How long? What brought them to your neighborhood? Try to make a connection and an excuse to connect with them in the future, so you can further the relationship (i.e. “Sound like you know a lot about computers. I’ll have to keep that in mind next time my computer acts up!”) Always look for that next point of connection.

There is a story of a Christian who asked his new, non-believing neighbor if he could borrow a shovel. The non-believing neighbor gladly obliged. This interaction was the first of many the Christian neighbor initiated. Later, after the non-believing neighbor came to Christ via the Christian sharing the gospel, the new believer realized something—the Christian neighbor already owned a shovel.

Always look for a point of connection.

More soon. Take care...
Pastor Ben

How to Reach Your Neighbors, 2 of 6

Continuing from my first post, as we remember the gospel, here is another reason why all believers are called to joyfully share God’s plan of redemption with the lost world: a love for those who do not yet know Christ.

What does a love for the unsaved look like? It means being willing to lovingly and graciously be willing to offend. According to the Scriptures, the unsaved will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might (2 Thessalonians 1:9). The anguish of the rich man is real (Luke 16:23-24).

Charles Spurgeon wrote, “Meditate with deep solemnity upon the fate of the lost sinner…when you get up early to go to the place where you commune with God, cast an eye toward Sodom and see the smoke thereof going up like the smoke of a furnace. Shun all views of future punishment which would make it appear less terrible, and so take off the edge of your anxiety to save immortals from the quenchless flame.” from Lectures to my Students

Our love for the lost means building relationships, showing grace, loving people, loving their families, sacrificing time and resources to care for them, etc., but we won’t find a painless way to communicate to a person that the wrath of God is upon them. We must love them enough to tell them the truth.

Mark Dever writes, “One thing I have noticed that has declined over the years is a willingness to offend people over the gospel. I have been to many seminars on contextualization, and I’m not opposed to it, but I don’t agree with us translating the gospel in such a way that an unbeliever is not offended. We want to translate the gospel into understandable language, but it doesn’t mean translating the gospel in a way that our hearers will like.”

I’m not saying the indication of your faithfulness is how much you offend people, but I am saying that there is no painless way to tell someone that they’re under the wrath of God. We have to understand what conversion is. Biblically, while we are to persuade, our first duty is to be faithful to present the same good news that God has given to us. God’s Spirit will convert. We can’t make conversions. I think knowing this will make us better evangelists.

More soon. Take care,

Pastor Ben 

How to Reach Your Neighbors, 1 of 6

It is certainly a privilege to be the first writer on the Bethany Community Church blog.

They say that if you want a sure fire way to guilt your congregation, talk about prayer or evangelism. My hope is that my part of these blog posts on evangelism will not heap any guilt on you, but instead, what you read will motivate you to see the joy of reaching your neighbors for Christ. Additionally, I hope to give you some good ideas for how to reach your neighbors. The thoughts in my posts are from a recent men's breakfast and adapted from Pastor Mark Dever, and at times, I am not sure what is from Dever and what are my thoughts. Let's assume if you are reading good stuff, it was from Dever.

Consider the following statement: The more you meditate on the gospel, the easier evangelism will become to you. I certainly agree. The fault of many posts on evangelism is to motivate the church to evangelism through guilt with statements like “God has done so much for you; will you do much for Him?"

A better motivator is the gospel itself! Mark Dever says, “The gospel is the very heart of what we’ve been called to do. The more I study the gospel, the more I become excited about talking about it.”

We should ask ourselves, "Why do I at times struggle with sharing the gospel with the unsaved world?"

Possible answers are:We don’t remember the gospel. (Romans 6:23) We struggle with a fleshly desire to not think of others before ourselves. (Philippians 2:3-5) Remembering the gospel, here is one reason why all believers are called to joyfully share God’s plan of redemption with the lost world: a desire to be obedient.

God’s call to evangelize is clear: 18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

(Matthew 28:18-20)

Paul writes of the call and obligation to evangelize: 1I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit— 2 that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. 3 For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. (Romans 9:1-3)

Of this passage, Mark Dever says, “This passage is a clear call to us. Our silence is not a matter of neutrality. You need to tell yourself that. Our silence is a matter of guilt and sin. Obedience is…a biblical reason to evangelize.”

Do I wait until I feel like being obedient to evangelize? To evangelize is to be obedient. Don’t wait for your feelings. Work at them, but don’t wait for them.

More soon. Take care...

Pastor Ben