Help and Hope Amidst the Struggle with the Fear of Man

In 1997, Ed Welch wrote a book titled When People Are Big and God Is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man. ¹ The fear of man is not an uncommon struggle. Indeed, it is a struggle, we may say, that everyone faces to some degree. Welch writes, “Fear of man is such a part of our human fabric that we should check for a pulse if someone denies it.”² Furthermore, this struggle manifests itself in numerous ways. Consider the following questions:  

Have you ever struggled with peer pressure? Are you over-committed? Do you “need” something from your spouse? Is self-esteem a critical concern for you? Do you ever feel as if you might be exposed as an imposter? Are you always second-guessing decisions because of what other people might think? Do you get easily embarrassed? Do you ever lie, especially the little white lies? Are you jealous of other people? Do other people often make you angry or depressed? Do you avoid people?³

 Of course, we could add to this list, but it is likely that one or two of these questions caused us to pause and acknowledge that we do indeed struggle with the fear of man. How might we define this struggle? What is the fear of man? While lengthier definitions may be given⁴, suffice it to say that for our purposes we can think of the fear of man simply as being more concerned about what others think than about what God thinks.

The Scripture teaches us about this struggle, and also gives examples of how the fear of man was manifested in peoples’ lives. Let us look at each of these in turn. 

First, consider Proverbs 29:25 which says, The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. To be ensnared is to be trapped, and when we esteem the opinions of others too highly (i.e. more than God’s) we are quite literally held fast or trapped by them. Those whom we fear exercise some measure of control over us. I don’t remember where I heard it, but I remember an illustration that was given to describe how the fear of man controls us. Imagine you have a handle on your back, and the person whom you fear is grasping the handle and moving you about in every direction in accordance with your goal of pleasing the person, seeking their approval, avoiding their disapproval, etc. A rather dismal picture. The trouble is not primarily that this is a miserable way to live (though it is that!), but rather that when this occurs, people are big and God is small. Proverbs 29:25 not only warns us of the danger of the fear of man, but also gives us hope. Take another look and notice the parallels: fear – trusts; man – LORD; snare – safe.⁵ Those who trust in the LORD are safe. We are secure in our position as God’s redeemed children. More on that in a moment. 

Second, consider two examples from Scripture: King Saul and the Apostle Peter. 

In 1 Samuel 15, the LORD instructed King Saul to destroy Amalek including man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey because of the way the Amalekites had mistreated God’s people, Israel. In the ensuing destruction of Amalek, Saul spared the life of Agag the king of the Amalekites and he also spared the best of the cattle. The LORD was angry with Saul and sent Samuel to rebuke him for his disobedience. Saul replied to Samuel by saying, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice” (v.24). The reason Saul disobeyed the LORD was because he feared the people more than God. 

The Apostle Peter serves as another example. We remember how he denied the Lord three times (Matt 26:29-75), fearing being associated with Jesus. Then, in the book of Galatians, we read how Paul opposed Peter publicly for the way he drew back from the Gentiles and separated himself from them for fear of the Jews (Gal 2:11-14). Perhaps these accounts remind us of a time in our own lives where we were silent when we should have spoken up for the cause of truth, or a time where we compromised our conviction for fear of what others would think. 

The fear of man is a stubborn struggle, one that causes us to be silent when we should speak, to speak when we should be silent, to say ‘yes’ when we should say ‘no’, to fold under pressure, and on and on we may go. We acknowledge that the struggle is real, but there is hope for the believer. Let us now consider how we may, by God’s grace, overcome this all-too-familiar malady. 

We start with the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge, it is hatred of evil, and it is a fountain of life (see Prov 9:19; 1:7; 8:13; 14:27). When we fear God, we esteem him rightly and understand that he is indeed Creator and Lord. When we fear God, God is big and people are small. This is not to say that people are insignificant or that we view others with disdain. Instead, it means that we view people rightly, as fellow image bearers whom we’ve been called to love and serve. We begin to overcome the fear of man when we fear the Lord. Additionally, our fear of the Lord flows out of our relationship with him through our beloved Savior, Jesus. This leads to the second consideration, namely, we overcome the fear of man by returning to Christ. 

Christ is our Savior who invites us to draw near to his throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and grace to help in time of need (Heb 4:14-16). This is the One to whom we should run when facing the fear of man. We run to Christ. We return to him. We humble ourselves before him, confessing our sins and casting our cares upon him, believing that he cares for us (1 Peter 5:6-7). 

Third, as we think about situations where we know we are especially vulnerable to succumb to the fear of man, we ask ourselves, “What does faithfulness to God look like in this situation?”⁶ and then respond accordingly, by God’s enabling grace. 

Finally, a help in overcoming the fear of man is by hiding God’s Word in our heart (Ps 119:11), and a good place to start is by committing to memory Proverbs 29:25. Again, this verse says, The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. Memorize this beautiful truth, and then pray, “Father, help me to trust you.” 

The struggle with the fear of man is real, but God is our helper and therefore we have hope in the midst of the struggle. By his grace, we will persevere in striving to overcome the fear of man. 

For further study: 

- Book: When People Are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch 

- Book: Rejoice and Tremble: The Surprising Good News of the Fear of the Lord by Michael Reeves 

- Article: “Fear of Man: How Is It Working for You” by Ed Welch 

- Article: “How to Grow in the Fear of the Lord” by Michael Reeves

Written by Pastor Blake

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday is coming!

What a blessing it will be, Lord willing, to bring Psalm 139:13-16 before you this Sunday--on Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. When preparing a sermon, there is so much to say, but one cannot get to everything. I'm leaving a small portion of my sermon here on the blog in case I can't get to it on Sunday. What is below is a screenshot of my manuscript. The screenshot speaks to how to lovingly and graciously talk to our friends who may have a pro-choice standpoint. Notice I say "friends" because they are made in God's image as well. They have a soul that we want to see come to know Christ as their Savior. With that in mind, I've come across the acronym SLED. Hope it is helpful!
Ben Davidson

Opportunities & Inconveniences: Making Best Use of the Time in 2024

It was the end of the week and my paper was due on Monday. I had about 25% of my paper done; the rough draft that is. I had studied and mapped out the passage I was writing on in Ephesians chapter 5, but inevitably things came up and my laptop closed. With an appointment a few towns over - and in an effort to remove myself from distractions in my home - I decided to leave early and go to a coffee shop there.

I set up my office-away-from-home and planned to spend several uninterrupted hours writing my paper. I had roughly 3 hours to spend at the coffee shop until my appointment would necessitate I leave. I was nearly one hour in with a lot of work yet before me when I noticed a woman in front of me.

From my table I noticed her at the checkout aisle asking a lot of questions with her strong accent to the barista. After ordering, while she waited for her food, she began taking pictures of the coffee shop and menu with permission from the workers. When her food came she began taking pictures of it. I wondered if she had traveled here. I thought, I always like to have pictures of myself in places I visit, let me offer to taker her picture.

"Would you like me to take a picture of you at this coffee shop, ma'am?"

This began what would become a 2 hour conversation.

I learned that she was not visiting, rather she was a reviewer for TripAdvisor reviewing restaurants and coffee shops. She was from Russia, but she now lived in the area. She travels often and whether local or in a different country reviews the restaurants, coffee shops, and hotels she visits.

We began talking about her trips. Quickly you could tell that this woman was a storyteller. She told the stories well. She asked me what I was working on. I told her about a Bible class I was taking, and how I was writing a paper on a passage from Scripture. She shared that she's not a religious person and doesn't know much about Scripture. After discussing some more she asked me, "What does your religion say about this . . ." and she continued to detail a question about something she encountered on her trip.

"Ahh, what about . . ." and she asked another question about a topic that culture might consider polarizing. She told me about how she is a professor at a college vocationally, and then told me more fascinating stories about her trip. She was delightful to talk with, but I worried about the time I had left to write my assignment before my appointment, worrying, How am I going to get this done? I have no more time left this week with other commitments. It really should get done now . . .

After a while she said, "I've kept you so long; I've just enjoyed our discussions! I should let you get back to writing. Do you need to keep writing?"

I remember thinking to myself, Lizzy, you can write about God's exhortation in the book of Ephesians to make the best use of the time and walk wisely, or you can live it. What good is it if you write about making the most of every opportunity for the kingdom of God, but foolishly neglect an opportunity in front of you? Don't just write about it, practice it now!

"No, you're fine!", I replied, "Please, go on!" and I closed my laptop that had been sitting open. I wanted her to know that I was fully invested.

We kept talking about her travels, and she asked me if I'd traveled. I told her about a mission trip I had been on, what we did, and why we went. We chatted right up until the time that I had to leave for my appointment. As we got ready to leave and walk out together, she told me that she enjoyed talking with me, and that it was just what she needed that day. I remembered that I had a "What is the Gospel?" tract in my wallet from the Outreach Resources at Bethany, and I asked her if I could giver her something.

I handed it to her and said, "Earlier you asked me what I was writing about. This tract talks about what I'm writing about, and why I'm passionate about it. I hope you'll read it!" She said she would when she got home, and she thanked me for talking. I reciprocated that it was great to meet her and enjoy her company!

This story's outcome would have been much different if the Holy Spirit hadn't convicted me and opened my eyes and heart to see the situation rightly and make the best use of the time; namely to care more about the person before me and the opportunity He gave us both, rather than the open laptop and delay in getting my paper done. How tragically ironic would it have been to remain consumed with thoughts of getting my paper done on the subject of making the best use of the time for the kingdom, and squander the opportunity literally in front of me.

Friends, we don't always hit the mark. I am saddened to think of the opportunities I have had to point others to the Gospel message and did not. In those times, thanks be to God that He does not discard us, rather He transforms our hearts and minds to more and more seek first the Kingdom as we walk with Him. He teaches us and empowers us, forgiving us when we fail, giving us new opportunities, and empowering us to proclaim as we should.

Please join me in saying a prayer for this woman. I am praying that this upcoming year the Lord would continue to grow me in walking wisely with Him and with others. That He would help me to look carefully how I walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Not being foolish, but understanding what the will of the Lord is (Ephesians 5:15-17).

- Lizzy Blanchard

Note: If you would like to grow in your outreach and evangelism efforts, Bethany is here to help you! Visit the Dutch Lane Cafe for outreach resources to help you as you seek to reach your neighbors and others with the gospel of Jesus Christ. There are free resources and some for purchase. Items include equipping books, gospel tracts, BCC business cards for inviting to church, and free evangelistic gift bags to give to people without a church home.