Maturity: How to Grow in Christ

 A few weeks ago we had our annual counseling conference at BCC. This year we had a special Youth & Young Adult track titled Pathway to Life. In this track we covered 5 main topics which we are now going over during our during our IMAGE Sunday School class. This week’s topic was “Maturity: How to Grow in Christ” so I wanted to discuss it a bit more for our youth parents and  will do so for each of the coming topics as well.

We each as parents want to see our children growing in the Lord, but how do we help them get there? Here are a few thoughts toward that end…

1. We must recognize that ultimately only God can change their heart, cause them to love Him, and move them toward growth in Himself. As parents we should be the most prayerful of people regularly crying out to the Lord that He might work in the hearts of our children like Job did for his own kids concerned for their well being and stance before the Lord. 

2. We must recognize that God calls us to shepherd our kids and be intentional to encourage and create opportunities for them to grow in Him. One of the mottos we are using in the Youth Ministry for leaders and in my own household is, “God expects faithfulness, not fruitfulness.” It comes from Paul’s statements in 1 Cor 3:6, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth.” If we seek to take over God’s role of bringing about change or fruit in our kid’s lives we (& our kids) will ultimately end up very frustrated. Rather, we are called to create an environment that is conducive to their growth should God choose to work (Eph 6:4). Within Scott’s talk we focused on 3 main areas that help encourage a believer’s growth – Theology, Identity, & Motives. 

·         Theology – This word often has connotations of boredom and academic rigor. However, discussing it as simply a “study of God” seems to bring it back down to our everyday world and life. The main point of this idea was not that we need to know more ABOUT God BUT that we need to KNOW God. We are called & made to deepen our relationship with God. How do we do this? Getting time with Him in His Word & prayer. It’s not rocket science… it’s just hard work. Our discussion focused largely around the idea of meditation where we read God’s Word, think about it, and then talk with the Lord about it in prayer.

·         Identity – Our identity or how we define and think about ourselves greatly affect a number of areas in our life, but especially our relationship with God. If I see myself as an antagonistic sinner loved, saved, & cleansed to be turned into God’s child I can come boldly to God with confidence, not in who I am, but in what He did. My joy, value, & worth come from Him. If, however, my identity is found in other things like the acclaim of peers, stuff I own, accomplishments I’ve done I will not only have a very shaky foundation for life, but will also only not come to God because I value Him and will only feel able to come to Him when life is going my way and I meet the standards I have set.

·         Motives – Ultimately my actions demonstrate my desires. “I do what I do because I want what I want.” The key then is not to be rid of desires, but to instead cultivate good desires. So where do desires come from? I would suggest they come from my thoughts and value judgments. What I spend my time thinking about and pursuing I will grow in a desire for. I believe this is why Paul focuses so much on the believer’s thinking. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom 12:2). “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth” (Col 3:2). The Psalmists state this thought, “I have set the LORD continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken” (Ps 16:8) “Incline my heart to Your testimonies And not to dishonest gain. Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, And revive me in Your ways” (Ps 119:36-37).

So how do we go about encouraging these things for our kids to create an environment conducive for their spiritual growth? Here a few questions to think through as you process through that for your own family.

·         Growing in relationship with the Lord

o   Does your child see you growing in the Lord? Do they see you pursuing Him as a part of your Christian walk? Does your child see you repenting of sin and asking God’s and his or her forgiveness for areas you have failed in your life and parenting?

o   What sort of times do you have as a family around God’s Word together? What are ways you can make that an even more central part of your home/family life?

o   How might you interact with your child around their own walk with the Lord? Could you take them out to talk and hangout periodically? Could you ask them what God has been teaching them recently going around the table at dinner or breakfast? Could you offer to do a book study with them on a topic of their choosing?

·         Remembering who they are in Christ

o   Are their ways you can demonstrate the gospel to them taking them to the cross when they sin instead of just doling out consequences? Do you take opportunities to let them walk with you through you going to the cross when you’ve sinned?

o   What are some questions you might ask them to see more of their thoughts on their identity? Could you ask something like, “Do you think people are valuable, why or why not?” Do you think some people are more valuable than others?” “What do you think gives a person value?” “How do people demonstrate if they do or don’t value something or someone?”

o   Do you notice how your child responds when they sin toward you and others? Do they belittle it, hide it, glamorize it, etc. or do they bring it out and repent of it?

o   Are there some verses your family could memorize together to remember better what God says about you? 

·         Helping grow their desires for the Lord

o   Do you show a value for accountability and encouragement by getting to church and fellowshipping with other believers as a regular part of your weekly routine? Do you spend time with the Lord showing He is worth it? Could you find creative ways and incentives to encourage them in getting time with the Lord or getting to church?

o   Are there ways you could put the Lord more in front of their eyes as you do things together as a family? Would it be possible to schedule a monthly family event tailored around a specific Scripture to grow their understanding?

o   Are there questions you could be asking to draw them out and ways you could practice listening more to hear what they’re thinking? Might a question like, “what is the most valuable thing you own?” or “if you could only take 3 things on a long trip what would they be?” help give you some insight into their values? Are there ways you could ask them leading questions rather than giving them your thoughts or answers that might drive them to having to think though their questions on their own and dig into the Bible more for themselves?

Processing through this has certainly been good for me in my own life as well as in my thoughts on parenting and shepherding my own family. Hopefully they’ve been a blessing or at least sparked some thoughts for you as well.

Here is a link for the audio of this session with Scott O’Malley: https://www.bethanycommunitychurch.org/resources/docs/2500-pathway_to_maturity_audio.mp3

“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen” (2 Pet 3:18)

 - Phil

pic from: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcROei6z8rHLMdiAoCTqY4MvcvHvXHy3yx56hx_OuZBFKzE6lALy

Learning to Suffer Well

As my turn rolls around again to post on the church blog, I again share some of the emotions and thoughts from my diagnosis of an eye disease. My hope is that this encourages anyone going through hardship or suffering. When we are struggling in this way, we tend to want things to be more “fair”.

Do I want life to be fair? This question can have a thread of legalism to it. Is it fair for a pastor to get a disease? Is it fair for a mass murderer to get a disease? We tend to think it’s more “fair” for a “good” person to be spared from hardship and the “bad” person allowed to suffer. This isn’t grace. This is legalism. The pastor and the mass murderer bring nothing to the table. All our good works are like “filthy rags” compared to the righteousness of Christ. We bring a smorgasbord of wrong motives into our good deeds. On top of this, all the believer does is to be done by the Spirit’s power and turned over to Him as a fruit of His work in us—not to get a pat on the back or earn points so the believer doesn't have to suffer. 

I’m glad life isn’t fair. Fairness means I should pay for my sin, but God…

Ephesians 2:4–5

[4] But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, [5] even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved (ESV) 

Learning to suffer well,

Pastor Ben

PS-I have gotten good news on my eyes. So far, the doctor thinks they will only get a little worse over my lifetime, so I get to keep driving, etc. possibly for the rest of my life! The worst part to my vision is trying to see in low contrast conditions, which thankfully isn't much of my day. 

Interacting with your Jehovah’s Witness Friends

About 2 months ago two ladies showed up at our front door. Jennie greeted them and they explained they were talking with people about life and then asked her why she thought bad things happened. Jennie answered because of sin and they agreed and showed her a verse in their “Bible” app to support it. They then asked why God would allow sin and thus bad to remain and said they’d be back in around a week to get her thoughts. They were very cordial and not invasive. About a week later sure enough they came back with an answer and another question and repeated that process a few more times. One week later, I was home and got jumpstarted to the 4^th or 5^th question. The next time they came to visit us we actually got to invite them inside and sit and talk for a brief time getting to know each of them a bit as well share a bit about ourselves. At the end of that conversation they said they’d drop a booklet off for us to read through and, true to their word, they did. We’ve starting reading it over and discussing it as a family which has been excellent for us to process through our own faith more. Along with that we’ve been taking a good deal of notes in it to ask at our next meeting. Two weeks ago they dropped by, but due to house work we weren’t able to meet. They told us that was fine and they’d come again some other time. We’re hoping for this week and excited to see what the next steps hold.

Why write about all this? Well, it’s given me a few takeaways and areas to grow in as I think about evangelism…

1. Relational evangelism can be super helpful and goes both ways. Hopefully through the multiple meetings they’ve done, desiring to break down our barriers, theirs have come down a bit as well. So often we can see those who hold different views than us as enemies where there might actually be a neat opportunity for friendships that might advance the gospel further. We are blessed to have them seeking us out and willing to spend time with us.

2. We need to have a good understanding of the gospel ourselves. Reading through that packet there were a number of things that were so close, but just not quite right about the gospel and what Scripture says. On the outside it looks very Christian, but digging in you start to realize, though they’re quoting Bible verses, it’s not really what the Bible is saying. That being said, it all can sound very appealing and almost Christian and could be quite persuasive if one’s understanding of the gospel was not clear. Ultimately, as Christ’s ambassadors we are to represent Him and His thinking, not be drawn into the thinking of those He’s sent us to (2 Corinthians 5:20-21).

3. We need to see lost people through God’s eyes. It is easy to drive one’s car into the ditch on either side of this road. Either we can see people we disagree with as the enemy and put up our guard instead of letting them into our life OR we can lose sight of their deep need and only focus on befriending them. Reading through the packet there were a number of repeated statements about God destroying sin and all evil & only letting the good and righteous be with Him in Heaven.  I found myself thinking, “but that’s the problem… I am the sin and evil that must be destroyed and cannot stand in God’s presence and no amount of good I do can remove who I am.” Outside of the gospel with another standing in our place, that is true for each of us and these two young women as well. They are doomed and have no real hope in the beliefs they currently hold.

4. We need to trust in the sufficiency & ability of God’s Word. It can be a bit intimidating to interact with people we disagree with. This can be even more so when they claim to use the same source of truth we do (the Bible). Almost every part of the pamphlet we’re reading has scripture verses to back it up. Some of it is correct (as all good lies are best presented), some is wrongly interpreted, and some is completely remade based on their bad “Bible translation.” A strong tendency can be to then jettison the Bible for our truth and instead rely on logic. However, logic never saved anyone and the Bible can hold its own. To this, Charles Spurgeon has a great quote, “The Word of God can take care of itself, and will do so if we preach it, and cease defending it. See you that lion. They have caged him for his preservation; shut him up behind iron bars to secure him from his foes! See how a band of armed men have gathered together to protect the lion. …. O fools, and slow of heart! Open that door! Let the lord of the forest come forth free. Who will dare to encounter him? What does he want with your guardian care? Let the pure gospel go forth in all its lion-like majesty, and it will soon clear its own way and ease itself of its adversaries.” We may not have all the answers when we go to the Bible with our friends. We may have to tell them such and ask to table the question or topic till we’ve had time to further research. But why we should never do is shy away from it. The Bible can hold its own even (as especially) when we cannot.

5. Prayer is essential as God is the only hope for making dead hearts & deceived minds alive and comprehending (Titus 3:3-7, Ephesians 2:1-10). Nothing we say or do, no amount of love and care we show, no depth of time or relationship with them, or anything else will ultimately be able to bring them to life outside of the work of God in them. We are praying for them. Asking God to reveal their need and give them His hope. In the meantime we will seek to simply be faithful in loving them, inviting them into our lives, and having conversations with them for as long as He allows.

A few thoughts for us to think through:

- Is there someone in your life God has placed there for you to be His ambassador? If not, how might you go about finding someone?

- Are you willing to spend your time reaching out to them though you have no guarantee of fruit? 

- Are you treating them as a true friend remembering the balance of not being apathetic or antagonistic in your presentation of truth?

- Do you bring them to the Lord in prayer seeking to act faithfully, but relying on Him for true change?

May the Lord use us for His glory and good of all those He would call to Himself!

Phil

What to Expect at the March Conference

Hi All!

I want to encourage you to consider spreading the word to your circles of influence about our March conference. I am excited to have three tracks to offer, so there is truly something for everyone.

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

Dr. Stuart Scott has been very influential in Janell’s and my counseling training over the years and we are very excited to have him come to Bethany Community Church. Dr. Scott will be teaching in this track along with our own Pastor Daniel and Bethany Baptist Senior Pastor Ritch Boerckel. This track is relevant for anyone who is married, is considering marriage and for anyone seeking to grow in shepherding married couples.

Dr. Stuart Scott teaches in the graduate program of biblical counseling at The Master’s University in Santa Clarita, CA. He has over forty years of experience in counseling and pastoral ministry. He is a Fellow with the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. Stuart is an author as well and is married to his wife Zondra and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.

Dr. Scott has authored many resources, including: "The Exemplary Husband"; "From Pride to Humility"; "Communication and Conflict Resolution"; "Anger, Fear and Anxiety"; "Biblical Manhood, Leadership and Decision Making"; "The Faithful Parent: A Biblical Guide for Parenting" (co-authored with Martha Peace); and most recently, "Killing Sinful Habits: Conquering Sin with Radical Faith" (co-authored with his wife, Zondra Scott). He has contributed to "Think Biblically", "Christianity and Counseling - Five Approaches" and co-edited "Counseling the Hard Cases".

PATHWAY TO LIFE

Scott O'Malley is coming again for a series designed for single adults, high school age and up. This series developed in Scott's mind as he drove home from our 2018 conference. He processed conversations with our youth and some parents and was so excited about the theme that he contacted me and asked if he could come back this year. Scott is Campus Director of Twelve Stones Ministries, Inc. in Helmsburg, IN. Scott has served at TS since July, 2007.  He has worked with troubled children and families in a variety of settings for over 15 years. Scott has a Master of Arts Degree in Biblical Counseling from the Master’s University, CA. He and his wife Tara were married in 1992 and have eight children.

INTRODUCTION TO BIBLICAL DISCIPLESHIP

This series will be taught by Bethany Biblical Counseling Ministry staff and volunteer counselors. This track covers themes that are essential for anyone involved in intentional ministry, from parenting, to personal discipleship, to care group leaders, to Sunday School teachers to general biblical counseling. If you have an interest in learning about your own spiritual growth and sanctification or if you want to become more effective in encouraging others in their walk with the Lord, this track will be worth your time.

Please consider inviting your family, friends and neighbors to our conference. We are praying that this year's conference would have a regional impact for the Kingdom of God that would reach far beyond Bethany and the community of Washington.

For more information, check out these links:

Website: bethanycommunitychurch.org/conference

Video: https://vimeo.com/310162593

Kent Kloter

What Peter Has To Say About Suffering

As my turn rolls around to post on the church blog, I thought I would share some of the emotions and thoughts that can easily come to mind when enduring hardship. Most of what has been/will be written comes from my own processing as I consider my diagnosis of an inherited retinal disease. My guess is that many of you can relate to these thoughts in the midst of struggle.

1) This is not fair!

God showed his grace to my family as we started reading 1 Peter together the morning before my diagnosis. The context of 1 Peter is dealing with those suffering from persecution, but the applications of suffering, I believe, can extend to other types of suffering beyond persecution. 

1 Peter 4:12-13 says:

[12] Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. [13] But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. (ESV)

We shouldn’t be surprised by trial in life. One could argue that we should be surprised when we are NOT going through trial. The effect of the fall of man upon the world and man is far reaching. Don’t think that it is not fair when experiencing trial. It is better to think that trial and suffering are expected and can be used for God’s glory—if only it means that one will grow closer to Jesus.

More soon…

Pastor Ben

A Few Thoughts on How to Maximize the Church’s Spiritual Benefits for Your Kid

At BCC we believe that God has called parents to be the primary people involved in the discipling, training, and raising up of their children.* As such, the goal of all the ministries we do with kids from infants to collegians is to partner with parents to help them in that process. Within our church and the many kid ministries we offer, however, I think at times it can be difficult for parents to see how best to take advantage of and use the church for the support it wants to offer. In light of that, here are 6 suggestions for ways you as a parent can maximize our church for the spiritual benefit of your family.

1. Encourage note taking during the sermon – This can begin even before a child is able to write well and can start with having them draw a few pictures from things discussed. Later a child can copy notes from their parents during the sermon to learn how to do so. For older kids this is an excellent practice for them to learn as it will benefit other areas of their life as well, like getting the most out of lectures at school and being more effective at studying.

2. Review the sermon – This may look different from family to family with some doing it over a meal or together at night, while others may do this individually with their kids. It could happen Sunday or sometime during the week or over the course of the week (note taking is very helpful for this =) ). There is a great deal of freedom but the idea is to take some time to discuss not just what was covered during the sermon on Sunday, but how it might apply to your child’s individual life situations and circumstances. For younger children finding one main point of application is good. For older kids it might involve walking through the sermon with them and finding a few application points. One note I would give is that as a child gets older you might find it beneficial to move more of the talking to them. You ask questions and let them figure out answers. Let them determine applications as they will be far more relevant than hearing something else mom and dad want them to fix. Be patient and let them fight for answers that are truly theirs and when they ask questions you don’t have answers to take the time to study them together. =)

3. Review the Sunday School lesson – Similar to reviewing the sermon, reviewing what your child learned in Sunday School or any other kids related teaching time can be very helpful. First, since that time is directly focused on your child’s age and place in life the applications can be more readily available. Second, as your child has interacted with leaders and peers during that time it also may have lead to other further discussions and situations you can expand on further.

4. Get to know your child’s teachers and leaders – Building into your child is a two-way street. Leaders want to know how best they can partner with you in caring for your family. It greatly encourages them when you open the door for conversations. Ask how they feel your child is doing and if there are any areas of growth or concern they’ve seen in your child. Tell them about what you’ve seen or things going on at home. I have seen this be such a help to parents in a number of ways. At times it means a child’s hypocrisy of looking good at church and living very ungodly at home is revealed and helps them be challenged to not live a pharisaical life. On the other hand, leaders sometimes see neat spiritual steps a child has made that we parents can miss in the daily grind of working with our kids and it is very encouraging to hear.

5. Help your child get to know Christian peers & their families – This can work in many different ways, but one of the neat benefits of having our kids somewhat separated by their grades is it allows for them to focus on making friendships and building deep relationships with peers who will progress with them through their childhood and into adulthood. We by no means believe every kid in our church is saved or living for the Lord, but I would suggest that church is the best place to find some that are. Have play dates if you have younger kids where you let them make friends while you get to meet other Christian parents that are walking the same road you are on. If your kids are older have parties at your house and make it a fun place to be for them to deepen friendships with other kids who are hopefully pursuing the Lord. Friendships are often not stumbled into. Rather they are made and worked at. Teaching your child that and helping facilitate it can lead to real, deep, biblical relationships they may get to enjoy for a lifetime.

6. Study the sermon &/or Sunday School passage ahead of time – Similar to the idea of review, this helps your child be more keenly prepared to listen to and learn from lessons being taught while at church. This helps prepare their minds and hearts as they come into teaching times and helps them realize those times can be a blessing for them spiritually, encouraging them to focus and listen carefully as God’s Word is presented.

Each of these suggestions is here to help, not create more for you to do in an already busy schedule! I know I can feel at a lack for how best to shepherd my family at times and I love that our church is so intentional to help in that process. Hopefully these suggestions can be used or they spark an idea in you that might help you as you seek to be intentional in the shepherding of your family as well!

Phil Smith

* Genesis 18:19; Deuteronomy 6:1-2, 6-9, 20-25; Psalm 78:3-8; 127:3-4; Proverbs 1:8-15; 3:1-2, 11; 13:1, 24; 22:6; 29:15, 17; Ephesians 6:4; Hebrews 12:5-11

Focusing on Christ this Christmas

Recently, I sent the following email to care group's outreach coordinators to send on to their care groups. Hope it encourages you this Christmas.

Pastor Ben
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Christmas can sometimes be a "same old, same old" time of getting together with the same folks to talk about the same, surfacey things. Are you willing and prepared to initiate spiritual conversations? Whether your family has a strong Christian presence or most of your family are not believers, talking about spiritual things is normal (not a scary, rare thing) for those that follow Christ. 2 Timothy 4:2 says, "preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching".

Below are a few resources you can open to equip you with questions you can ask your family and friends this season. Enjoy talking about the Lord during the celebration of His birth!

Resources:

1) How to Talk about Christmas: 5 easy questions to start a conversation about Jesus.

https://www.cru.org/us/en/blog/life-and-relationships/holidays/christmas-questions.html

2) 10 Questions to Ask at Your Christmas Gathering

https://www.crossway.org/articles/10-questions-to-ask-at-your-christmas-gathering/